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Friday, 3 June 2011

I Have a Confession to Make.....

Well, I started out my six week health makeover with great intent and motivation. However, it seems that I lost some of that motivation along the way. Well, not really. I didn't really lose motivation as much as I was unable to keep myself healthy enough to care about being motivated.

After recovering for the most part, from knee surgery, I then had a two week journey with dental pain as my companion. Oh my! The pain was difficult at first, and quickly reached unbearable. I was at the point where I wanted a hammer or anything really, that would get that tooth out of my mouth! Nothing relieved the pain except pure exhaustion and then a few hours of blessed sleep. Needless to say, I was not eating smoothies, salads and stir fries! I ate what I could when I could...often pudding, tinned fruit...anything soft and slidey. I could not have been further from health makeover mode...I was in survival mode.

Have I ever shared with you my dental phobia? No!? Well, I am one big baby when it comes to going to the dentist. I am sure I have some memory, deeply repressed, that is responsible for all the anxiety I experience when I go to the dentist. Needless to say, it is difficult for me to go without any type of pre-med. But I insist on trying.  I have learned that the anxiety is more tolerable and controllable when I see a female dentist.

So, I found a dentist here because the one I usually see in the City was away in Hawaii...lucky her!!  I went in and we started some antibiotics and a pain regime (didn't work). We decided to try and save the tooth, and I booked in for a root canal. In I go, I get through the freezing process without too much difficulty (breathing and nice beach sounds in the background) then we start the process. Guess what? I wasn't frozen! My poor tooth was so inflamed that repeated attempts to freeze it didn't work. The root canal also didn't work. The tooth had to come out. First, she tried to extract it whole. That didn't work. So, she got out her tiny saw and cut it in half. Remember, while I am numb, I can still feel this. When she got the first half out, I realised how tense I had become...my entire body relaxed and a huge sigh of relief escaped me. I was almost full on fetal in the chair. The second half was no problem, it was frozen!

Anyway, so I eventually healed from that, and went for some deep cleanings. After my second cleaning, I became ill...very, very ill. My theory is that between the tooth that had abscessed and the deep cleanings I freed up all sorts of bacteria which roamed in my body looking for somewhere to settle down. At first I though I had a virus, and so took a day off to rest. I slept all day and night. By the next morning, I was convinced the worst had passed. So, we carried on with our plans...to travel and visit for the next 3 days. So, I can tell you my son's couch is quite comfy...I slept on it for two days. The rest of the time I slept in the van....when I wasn't spewing like some kind of gross fountain. By the time I finally clued in that I needed to see a doctor because I simply was not getting better, I was very ill...feverish...some really good dreams....and not eating anything. I had lost 10 lbs. I have to admit, part of me felt something like glee when I saw how much I had lost. I even thought, just briefly, maybe I should put off going to the doctor so I can lose a few more pounds...

So, I am now on antibiotics again. I am tired, grumpy, and I alternate between having zero appetite and being ravenous. I still struggle to eat my big salad, so I have been living on soup lately, homemade vegetable lentil soup to be exact. I had a little stir fry too, and that went okay. The trouble is, the antibiotics have almost identical side effects as the bacterial infection that took over my body...with the exception of fevers and crazy dreams (oh, and the spewing fountain has stopped too).

There was a good thing that came of this though...well good in some respects. I have toyed with the idea of giving up my beloved coffee, and of course during this time of sickness, I could not drink coffee. The other morning, I really wanted some. So I got out the beans, ground them and delighted in the aroma. I boiled the kettle, let it cool a bit then put the beans and the hot water in my bodum. I waited the perfect 4 minutes for the perfect brew...and enjoyed it with half and half cream. It was soooo gooooood! So I had another cup. Then I got a migraine. I guess coffee and I no longer get along....but it was soooooo goooood...mmmmmm. I wonder what would happen if I only had one cup?

Well, there you have it, my full confession. I did not succeed at a six week health makeover. So what? I wonder if the universe is trying to tell me to slow down, that artificially created deadlines may not be useful to me. Perhaps I am meant to really pay attention this time, enjoy the journey and all I am learning along the way. Perhaps I wasn't really focusing on health after all. If this is my wake up call, I am awake and paying attention!! It was scary to be so sick and so helpless. I never want to go there again. So, this is my health makeover journey, and it has no end. You are welcome to come along if you like....