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Thursday, 5 January 2012

Turning the Page

I won't say that I am sorry to see the end of 2011. Many challenges have been met on my path and I have to say...I am tired!! I have few regrets left over from last year, mainly that I haven't taken the time available to me and used it in the best way possible. It has been a year of learning, and my aim is to put what I have learned into action during 2012.

At the end of 2011, I again succumbed to pressure and took up smoking cigarettes. It lasted a month. Today is day 5 smoke free...again. I also smoked during my daughter's wedding and preparations, and at other stressful times during the year. This is what I learned. I replaced tobacco use with food, I replaced alcohol use with food, then I tried to work on my relationship with food. However, I did not focus quite enough (for me) on coping strategies to replace those self harming behaviors. So, when stress arose, as it will, I was not prepared to meet it head on in a healthy way, so I revisited old ways of "coping".

So, my plan for 2012 will include ways of coping with the loss of those self harming (yet somehow self soothing) behaviors, as well as learning to cope with whatever stresses I encounter on my path in healthier ways. I have purchased a Tai Chi dvd which has 5 different healing approaches. I had initially thought that I would go to Tai Chi classes, but since I opened my heart to embrace all possibilities, my career has taken a different path than I thought it would. This puts those classes out of reach (geographically) for now. So, I purchased the dvd to support me to develop a more consistent practice. I will also include Yoga and walking to meet my physical and emotional health needs. Truth is though, I haven't started any of these practices yet, as I am recovering from a couple of relatively minor slip and fall incidents over the holidays. Relatively minor, because the old me would hardly have even noticed. The current me still copes with life with one unstable knee which appears to decide all on its own when it will function and when it will give up. Ouch. To support me to increase awareness of my physical capabilities, I plan to engage in a much more consistent way with my meditation practice. My goal is to become less distanced from my body and the messages it provides me about how I am doing and what I need.

I am returning to a health supportive, nutrient dense diet. I have been eating primarily veggies, fruit and grains since my return home. I have had stir fried veggies on brown rice, and made a fabulous pot of bean and veggie soup last night. The fruit bowl is filled and sitting on my desk at work. This weekend, I am making a borscht inspired stir fry, which not only sounds yummy to me, but makes economic sense as these seem to be the veggies readily available and at a reasonable cost. I will let you know how it turns out.

There are many things to look forward to this year. Multiple exciting possibilities, and the likelihood of significant change....but we are not there yet. Right now, I am grateful that the babies were born healthy, that both Mama's are now doing well. I am grateful for family, and embracing all that it means to be part of a family. I will work on strengthening relationships during this year. I will also work on letting go...I simply cannot continue to carry all that I have been for such a long time.

I embrace 2012 ... in good Goddess health....and my hope for you is that 2012 brings all you can wish for!

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